About a week after the race, I skated in my rink's annual ice show in the principal number, adult number, and in a mini-solo as Cruella de Vil from "101 Dalmations." The theme of the show was "When I grow up," so the different groups were portraying different jobs, such as a postman, fashion designers, world travelers, fire fighters, etc. As a whole, I really enjoyed taking part in the show, and especially loved the adult number and skating as Cruella de Vil. The adult number skated to "Roam" by the B-52s, and we dressed as people who were traveling the world as pilots, beach goers, socialites, etc. It was choreographed by a new coach at our rink Max Liu, who also happened to have coached Gracie Gold when she was a young skater. I was excited to be working with him, as I have hopes to have him as a coach once my current coach graduates next year.
For my Cruella de Vil number, I REALLY enjoyed skating to that one. The music was sung by Selena Gomez, and although she's a much younger pop artist, my coach and I were able to make the routine much more age appropriate. My routine wasn't particularly complicated as it was only about a minute long, but I really enjoyed skating as someone that's my total other persona. I also absolutely LOVED the costume, which was mostly borrowed from another skater. Since I enjoyed the routine so much, I've already asked my coach about using this routine as a character solo for competitions next year, which he has totally agreed to do. I think that I can really pull the character off once I work a bit more on expression...gotta get a good creepy smile thing to make the audience shiver a bit. However, my coach was SUPER impressed with my ending pose. He told me that it was totally creepy and totally matched her character. :)
On May 7, I took my FS 3 test. This test was very stressful for me as the change foot spin has been challenging for me. I had all of my other elements, except for that change foot being consistent. Plus, I had the situation of either taking the test and not passing, or waiting until sometime in the fall of taking my test, not knowing how much ice time I will be getting this summer, and be very wobbly on skates again this fall when I would be back on the ice. I decided to go ahead and test. I passed by the skin of my teeth on the change foot, but I was not happy with the test because of that change foot. I did give the examiner one decent change foot on the compulsory part, but had to re-skate it for the FS part, and did not do it well. My examiner "passed" me on a 5, but only on the agreement that I "continue to work on it." However, the test is now behind me, I'll keep building on that skill, as well as moving onto FS 4. This is bringing me the one step closer to being able to do an axel, or at least axel prep work before my coach graduates and leaves next spring. :)
Now....onto some tough stuff that I've been facing lately.
Not all of my skating experience is fun and games. A chunk of it is downright hard, and sometimes a very frustrating process. Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I have discussed this issue with my coach, and we are still on VERY good terms as I have a tremendous amount of admiration and respect for him, and have greatly enjoyed having him as a coach. However, a few days ago, during an off-ice lesson, he asked me something at one point that made me stop and think, and it brought back a memory from last year from an off-ice lesson I had with him (may have been my first one).....a comment about my body fat...and how uncomfortable that made me feel.
So yeah...body fat/weight/body image...what a very sensitive area to discuss, especially with being bombarded by the media on what's considered healthy, attractive, sexy, etc. We've all seen those advertisements: firming up all sorts of body parts, dropping 30 pounds in 30 days, advertisements for the various new workouts, etc. They're sickening, right? Yet, I've recently found myself battling my body image fairly recently, and it's been bothering me, because I've been questioning why I started making changes so that I'm eating healthier and exercising a lot more. A lot of people would probably say that I should be happy with those changes, and yes, in a lot of ways I am, as I'm feeling the healthier benefits (running a 1/2 marathon is no small feat). However, my question is WHY did I start making the changes that I've been doing, and what I realized the other day, partially based on a comment that my coach said about a year ago that I perceived as being hurtful at the time.....my body fat.
I will admit that there had been a few times in the past where I would have slight moments of body image issues as I would try on clothes ("Ugh. I look like I'm pregnant with this stomach..") and the like, despite me always being on the thin side and tall at between 5'8-5'9. I've also always enjoyed being fairly physically active, although my eating habits/food choices often counteracted that...sodas, cookies, chips, french fries, candy, nachos from the rink....you know the drill. However, in this past year, I made a huge attempt in a change to be healthier after an off-ice lesson with my coach.
So, the story behind this is that during my off-ice lesson with him (which was FANTASTIC as a whole) at a an indoor track on campus, my coach and I ran into a former classmate of mine that he happened to meet a few weeks ago. This classmate was very happy to see me (and vice versa) as we hadn't seen each other in a long time, and she had mentioned that I looked like I had lost a lot of weight. I told her that I had. Later on, towards the end of my lesson, my coach had asked me something along the lines of why I lost weight. I don't remember what I told him at that time, but the thought came to me a bit later on what sparked it.
The memory of one of my off-ice lessons with him a year ago last spring popped into my mind, as it was around then when I decided to get a lot more serious with my skating. We were working on some abdominal exercises, and he made a comment a long the lines of "This will get the fat off of you and more toned." I may have partially stemmed that comment as I believe I said something about my abs being flabby. Although I know that he meant it to be helpful at the time, it served as a hard to swallow pill for me in terms of body image and overall fitness level. I don't want to say that he was the sole reason that I made changes, but that comment was something that pushed me over that edge...and it kinda scares me that I did that. I have a ton of respect for my coach, and I know that he wants the absolute best for me for my skating. I do know that our relationship is a two way street, and I realized that I do have to pull my own load to some extent, but I wasn't expecting myself to make changes based upon a comment. I know that we have all heard stories about people developing eating disorders at least partially based upon comments others would make (such as a coach or a judge at a competition). Although, at this point, I do NOT think that I am heading down a path of an eating disorder, but it was a very scary question that crossed my mind if I don't keep things in check.
So with this rather sensitive issue in mind, I do have a lot of questions about helping a student fight through any possible body issues. This could go for skaters of any age, but it may be of most beneficial to teens and adults. Please feel free to share your answers if you're comfortable in doing so, and/or sharing these questions with your coach or other skaters to generate a healthy discussion. These are numbered, but not in any particular order of importance.
1. Should a coach question about a skater's body if the coach is concerned about it? If so, how should it be approached?
2. Can one's weight, especially of that of an adult skater, affect the technical aspects of skating such as jumping or spinning? What about other skating essentials such as finding boots that fit? Are there any good skating companies that specialize in adult sized dresses/outfits for a reasonable price?
3. What do you think of the training regimes that many skaters put themselves through (even top level skaters) to meet the physical demands of the sport? Is it really too much of a physical demand on the body, especially at a young age where so many kids are doing doubles or even triples by the time their early teens? Are they really eating well (with the chance to splurge once in a while), getting enough rest, have some honest-to-goodness downtime, etc? How do skaters handle their body image thoughts during their training? What these top name coaches doing to ensure that their skater is NOT heading down a harmful path?
4. For those of you who are adult skaters who made the decision to get healthier during your skating career, what was your reason for those changes? Have those changes become a part of you in a positive way, or do you find yourself just struggling to push through?
5. What can coaches and skaters do if they know another skater at their rink is really struggling with their body image/weight issues?
6. What does it really mean to be healthy and fit?
7. What are some other danger signs that skaters should take notice about themselves of potential harmful eating and exercise habits?
8. Years ago, I remember a skater's height and weight sometimes being mentioned during their program (same goes for women's gymnastics). Why did they do this, and why was it stopped?
9. Are coaches ever under the pressure to have a skater look a certain way? If so, why?
10. If you're a coach, do you have any health goals/plans that you want your skaters to achieve? If you want them to achieve for the particular goal, why is that?
To end this on a positive note, I did talk to my coach about this other day, and he felt terrible about his (unintentional) criticism about my eating and weight, and that I perceived it that way. Although he is a nutrition major, he told me that me that he never wants me to feel guilty about nutrition as harmful habits can result. Plus, yes, it's totally fine to treat myself to some junk food every once in a while, as it is deserved, and he's not strict about nutrition, despite it being his major. He also stated that he has been super proud of me, that I'm incredibly hard working, has enjoyed seeing my skating mature over the past two years, and have been a joy to teach. So, hearing that made me feel a lot better, and let's just hope that this feeling of inadequacy with my body image is just a really short thing.
