Since I've started lessons with my new coach, I've been working really hard to improve my skating, both off and on the ice. I'm even trying to eat healthier most of the time. It's like I have this overwhelming need to please and prove to my coach that I AM working my tail off, and honestly trying to learn whatever he throws at me. I know that I probably shouldn't feel this way, but I do. However, today was a very frustrating skate, and I honestly felt like crying (wouldn't have been the first time), and I really felt like that I didn't have anything to show for all of my hard work that I've been doing. As an adult skater, I know that I'm not the only one that has ever felt like this, but sometimes, it's so discouraging to see younger skaters at the rink who seemingly "get" the moves and jumps right away, and just fly through levels, while it's taking me a lot longer to do everything.
What's mostly been frustrating me is my waltz jump. I can, and have done the jump many times. However, my biggest bugger has been the kick through. I can never seem to get enough kick through to my jumps bigger. It's like I get to the point where I just sorta freeze because I'm afraid of falling flat on my face.This totally showed up today in my lesson, and at this point, especially with my test being on Wednesday (yes, I'm FINALLY testing then), I feel like that I should be over that hump by now. I have done drills both off and on ice to work on the kick through, and what I did have to show for it today? Not.a.thing! For once in my skating life, I want to show my coach a really good, clean waltz jump that has some height and air time! Right now, they're still tiny jumps, and its so incredibly frustrating!
We also did a run through of my program today, and I guess I shouldn't say it was all bad (since it wasn't), but I got majorly off in my music, which threw me off with everything else. This was mainly due to the rink being crowded, so there were a lot of people in the center circle, which blocked my way, even though I was wearing the "program" scarf that we wear when we are doing programs in busy sessions. I felt that my performance was very scratchy, I totally missed one of my elements, didn't get all of my revolutions on my spin, my waltz jump was pitiful, and I struggled with my spiral.
After my program run through finished, my coach and I went to the boards, where I sat down on one of the benches behind it. By this point, I was so frustrated that I wanted to cry and even chuck my skates across the ice. I know that my coach could tell that I was majorly frustrated because the first thing he told me to do was breathe. He then asked me about the good things on the program, and honestly, I really didn't want to answer him at that point. I was just too frustrated at that point where I didn't even want to speak, and also had half a mind to tell him to back off and leave me alone. However, knowing that he is doing a great job as a coach, I need to reciprocate by continuing to give him my attention and respect that he deserves. So I answered him, although we both knew that I was treading on very thin ice emotionally at that point. I took a few more breaths, and got back onto the ice. Although my frustration was still very present, we had hoped to do a second run though.
I didn't get the chance for the second run through since FS was up for the day. I don't know if the second run through would have done me any good or not. However, knowing that a lot of skaters have a bad run through or two before a competition or test, I'm hoping this was the same for me. That way, I can focus on having a clean skate for my test on Wednesday.
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